Day: February 12, 2017

Old age – How can one be happy?

old age

Many people are afraid of old age. They fear the loneliness of isolation, the unattractiveness of wrinkles and sagging skin, or the impairment of infirmity.  But according to psychologist Marie de Hennezel, old age is an attitude of mind. She suggests it can be a period of contentment, and happiness that comes with letting go of old attachments and finding new roles. Here are some tips based on her book The Warmth Of The Heart Prevents Your Body From Rusting.

Tip 1
Be realistic about becoming old. Accept that biological aging is unstoppable. Do not be ashamed of losing your seductive shape in old age. Accept you cannot change the loss of former physical powers, and previous economic and social roles.

Tip 2
Look after yourself. Make room for bodily pleasure whilst eating moderately, keeping alcohol to a minimum and avoiding drugs and tobacco.  Stay physically active, doing things at your own pace. One can get more out of life in old age with a body that is functioning to its maximum potential.

Tip 3
Take advantage of your new stage in life to look for things you can now do which you were not able to do when you were young – having more time for yourself with no responsibility of parenthood and earning a living and with greater freedom of speech to say what you think.

Tip 4
Accept the inevitable degree of solitude that comes with living alone in old age and not going out to work, not as isolation but as a freedom to meet ones own inner spirit and be oneself and to discover unsuspected resources and release latent energy.

Tip 5
Maintain a social life when you can, forgetting yourself a little and taking an interest in others, using a pleasant tone of voice, making yourself agreeable, cultivating your charm, giving and receiving and showing generosity. Then smiles and kindness, respect and affection will do you good. Friendship means a chance to share your worries.

Tip 6
Keep contact with the younger generation. This is still possible despite today no longer being an era of the extended family which had meant naturally occurring contact across the generations. The trick is to be young at heart, not expecting too much of others who have their own busy lives but simply being receptive, retaining a taste for life and a desire to pass on one’s experiences and lessons learned.

Tip 7
Make the best of your looks and find new ways of making love to your partner. Don’t bury your own sensuality and desire in old age. When we grow old we are not in love with the other person’s physique but with his or her presence. Think of beauty as something intimately tied to emotion. It is what we call charm: the depth of a look, an expression in the eyes, a dazzling smile. Charm does not grow old, nor does emotion. In fact, both can even gain in depth and intensity with age. Learn about the tradition of the Tao of Love a Chinese spiritual path. It recognises that it takes longer and is more difficult to attain orgasm if you are old. Although sexual relations may be slower and less active it can become more sensual. Sou-Nu the governess of Emperor Huang-Ti declared  ‘A firm hard member which is thrust roughly in and out, is of less value than a weak soft member which moves gently and delicately.’

Tip 8
If you are widowed, and the loss of the partner was a great ordeal, it is possible to work through a bereavement by internalising the company of the deceased loved one and still feeling their protecting presence.

Tip 9
Live in the present moment by savouring the good times and forgetting the bad. Rediscover your ability to be enchanted and amazed, in old age allowing your curiosity to be stimulated by being open to new experiences. You can still learn from life for old age can bring new things.

Tip 10
Find peace with the past and with yourself by taking stock of your life. Ask yourself  ‘What was it all about?’ Give expression to unshed tears, repressed anger, and self-delusions. Forgive yourself for your failures. Be prepared if necessary to pay for past mistakes and negligence and put your life  in order before leaving the world’s stage. It’s never too late to change for example from being a bit of a grumpy, selfish depressive individual who spends life complaining and annoying others: but to do so will require an inner awakening and great effort and forbearance.

Tip 11
Accept help when it is needed. Make needed changes to where you live. Do not feel diminished by receiving personal care. It is possible to entrust your own body to the care of others without embarrassment or sense of humiliation.

Tip 12
With old age, one realises that everything of this transient world passes away. Why not try searching to find something that doesn’t pass away? This could mean listening to what is inside you; an inner part of yourself that is more important than your external side. If you have the courage to explore your own depths you can draw upon them. Allow the part of yourself that does not grow old to live.

Those who have explored this spiritual path have let go of worldly things they had been attached to and said they have found something eternal in which they felt they could put their hope and trust. Paul wrote in the Bible ‘Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.’ (2 Corinthians 4:16). In other words one can leave one’s ‘little me’ and receive a higher consciousness: when one is in contact with the Spirit inside oneself, one never feels isolated or cut off.

Copyright 2011 Stephen Russell-Lacy
Author of  Heart, Head & Hands  Swedenborg’s perspective on emotional problems

Unwanted thoughts – How to be rid of them?

unwanted thoughts‘I must wash my hands again’, ‘I bet she fancies him’. ‘I might as well have another piece of cake.’‘Aren’t I stupid’. These sorts of ideas or mental pictures may pop into your head unasked. They are unwanted thoughts if they are repetitive, unpleasant or difficult to resist. They exacerbate compulsive acts, jealousy, temptation, or unreasonable guilt.

Unwanted thoughts seem to be more common during times of stress or changing circumstances e.g. when you take on the extra responsibility of a new job, or when having children.

Swedenbrog’s unseen spiritual world

According to Emanuel Swedenborg, there is an unseen spirit environment around us inspiring all our thoughts and feelings – both good and bad — although we are unaware of this.  People sometimes speak about “when the spirit moves me” and about “getting into the spirit” of something. Sometimes you may have noticed a guiding light that inspires hope and confidence. Other times you may have been aware of a negative idea that gnaws away unsettling you.

Relevance of spirits to unwanted thoughts according to Swedenborg

Swedenborg claimed the following 6 things:-

  1. He could communicate with the spirits of people in the after-life.
  2. After their bodily death, the earthly memories of individuals are gradually shut off and become inactive. So that in the next life, being aware only of the spirit realm, one will gradually become more conscious of one’s inner life and become less bound to what is external and worldly such as the imagery of spatial objects.
  3. Yet, some spirits, particularly those newly raised from bodily death, still instinctively hunger for things on the material plane.
  4. Being fixated on certain worldly things that have special associations for them, these spirits may try to fasten your attention upon such things.
  5. Just as you are unconscious of their presence, so they are not aware of you, as being a separate person from themselves, but believe that your thoughts are their own.
  6. When you have an affinity with them, you are liable to unconsciously attract those spirits who are the source of your obsessions.

Swedenborg’s method of tackling his unwanted thoughts

Swedenborg records that in one of his struggles against certain spirits who were obsessing his mind, he finally found refuge by fixing his gaze on a piece of wood, and from this his thought was led to the wood of the cross, and then to the thought of God. By a shift of attention, he thus broke the hold of the evil spirits.

CBT technique for tackling unwanted thoughts

Another way of shifting attention, that is used widely these days in cognitive-behavioural psychotherapy, is the following straightforward technique. If you notice you are obsessing about something, you need to shout the word `Stop’. If shouting out aloud is inappropriate because you are not alone, you can instead imagine that you are shouting the word. Immediately the train of obsessive thought is disrupted. For the technique to work you have to be able to believe that thinking can both block or promote your ability to cope.

Arguably, what Swedenborg is saying adds power to this approach. If you are plagued with obsessive thoughts, you probably assume that such thoughts have a compulsive power over you. This is understandable given their intrusive persistent nature. Also such a belief is likely if you assume that you are responsible for the obsessions.

A helpful change of attitude about unwanted thoughts

However, you may be able to accept what Swedenborg reports — that you are unconscious of both creative and unhelpful thoughts flowing from spirits. If so, then you will no longer attribute either the creative inspiration or the obsession to yourself but instead to sources outside of yourself.

The consequence of this changed belief is that you can be confident that it is possible to start to free yourself from the hold of the infesting spirits as long as you do not identify yourself with their desires and ideas. With practice you can more easily neglect to pay attention to what comes from them and so they will gradually leave you alone.

Copyright 2011 Stephen Russell-Lacy
Author of  Heart, Head & Hands  Swedenborg’s perspective on emotional problems